Blogsgiving

Today, is thanksgiving.

It is the evening. My stomach is full to bursting. I am chewing on a toothpick. I am sitting on a kitchen stool, with my left leg curled underneath me, my right knee tucked up to my chest. My toes are curled. My sleeves are pulled up to just past my elbows, my hair is a little unkempt. My brother is to my left.

The house is warm. Warm enough-there is a slight draft but I like drafts a lot...so it's perfectly warm. Off behind me the family is chatting and laughing and mocking and sharing.

It isn't my family, but I feel quite at home.

There are eight pies on the counter. Triple berry and pumpkin and apple and chocolate and cream and German and more pumpkin and more creme.

It isn't my family, but I feel quite at home.

Imagine for a second a beautiful, clean penthouse. The view looks over the city, lit up in the dark night. Now imagine it's thanksgiving. The house is too nice. The view is too spectacular. The couch--too firm...

I think you know what I'm trying to say.

It isn't my family, but I feel quite at home.

Poetry is cheese?

It turns out that everyone has their own poetry. And the poetry that plagues my life is often sad, dark, and powerful.

It's funny that this is the case, because I am always happy, light, and really quite weak.

I think it's because everyday I look at myself and ask what I can improve. And then when enough of the bad has built up till it barely can stand on it's own, it runs.

Runs its way into...most often a tune...sometimes a melody...and rarely...a song.

That is why I think I am a happy person but I write sad songs.

I think, too, that sometimes my voice sings itself sad. The rest of me is so busy in rejoicing that my voice seems put down by its own longing for such a fulness of joy.

On occasion though, that joy which the rest of me feels steals its way out of my heart and through to my lungs. From there it proceeds up to my throat. When my throat falls captive, my lips are soon to follow. And then, all open together, I find my happiest, and my most beautiful songs. Songs that make me cry. Songs that I hope will make you cry tears of joy. Songs which flood your mind and your heart and your throat.

And maybe then a great change will come over you. Your mouth will open your eyes, and through open eyes you will see the things you love most about your life. And you will spend forever pursuing them. And it all started with music.

The Garden.

Autumn soon hides light's eternal existence, as new days shutter, Eden's arms neglect,

But men are that they might have joy,

And what greater joy than the mid february spring?

None, answered he, not at all, nor at length.

Autumn's son hides like every echo, and new days sing, Eden's arms naked.

haha. You don't know what that means, but I do.

Proving Myself

Recently I fell.

When I wear clothes it burns.

I can't shower.

Today I sat down in the bathtub in seven inches of warm water. I spent thirty minutes scooping handfuls of water onto my stomach, chest, and shoulders. As I washed my wounds clean, I could see the water change.

Swirls of scarlet twisting down around my legs. Soon the entire tub was a deep, transparent red. I sat their, frozen.

I wish I could really describe to you what it felt like. My whole body ached and burned. I was completely vulnerable. I pulled the stop, and let the crimson water out of the tub. I hoisted myself slowly to my feet. As I gained my balance, I found myself staring in the mirror at myself, broken.

I know now, that I am fragile. I can bend, but I can also break. I am thick skinned, but my skin has proven to be rather thin.

What a miracle we all are. Living and breathing. Thinking and acting.

and breaking.

and fixing.

Westward wind

So. Utah is fast approaching. And I am so very ready for its arrival.

For those of you who'd like to know about my actual life you'll be happy to hear I am in bed typing this. Now I'm going to get up and eat a bowl of coco pebbles (thanks dad). I think I'll bring you down to the kitchen with me.

Okay so now we're down in the kitchen.

I'm wearing a bathing suit because i got dressed in the dark.

Just spent a few hours facebook chatting cause i took a nap today and i can't fall asleep.

I'm so tired I'm gonna sleep.

Letters to Mendoza

I am sending letters overseas (sort of).

And I am completely sure of some things. I am sure that I love my friends. I am sure that I love my music. I am sure that I love my family. I am sure that my surety is right now more pure than it often times is. I am sure too, that I am happy :)

Real happiness is not good grades. Real happiness is not partying with friends. Real happiness is not that special someone that makes you giddy. Real happiness is not even anything with bacon in it.

Am I saying that two people in love are not truly happy?! Am I saying that a bacon turkey bravo can inspire only sorrow?!nay. I am not. I do however, think that one crucial component is too often missing.

A fullness of joy can only be reached when there is intent to live and act righteously. Called me old fashioned. (no but, feel free to call me old fashioned). Call me old fashioned.

BWA!

That exclamation doubled as a smokescreen and segue.

I work at a grocery store. I have tons of time to observe people. I see people yelling at their kids--i see kids yelling at their people. I see old couples fight quietly over choice of bags. I have watched respect, disrespect, and neglect fester. I have seen so much unhappiness.

"how are you?" "I'm doing good thanks"--her eyes are glazed.

"what kind of bags sir?" "paper in plastic"--the corners of his mouth sweep down down and away

"how's your day been" "It's been wonderful"--and they're somewhere else. far gone.

And yet to the untrained eye, they might have all seemed perfectly well. Well enough at least. 'happy' seems to be full until full is really reached, then 'happy' seems, eh.

If you're finding yourself feeling, eh, more often then you'd like, the solution is simple. I'd love to talk with you sometime. I can say I truly am happy :) i have for long periods of time felt the, eh, and the, eh, is despair compared to the fullness of joy i now feel.

The source is pure and great. It runs deep, and never dries.

You don't have time for, eh.

Good Heartache

Completely lost

When I pulled away my thoughts were racing but my heart was still full and warm. As I pulled in the driveway miles and miles down the road my racing turned to ache. Pure ache.

Ugh. 'home.'

but not really. not "ugh 'home'" but actually

Ugh. my heart actually hearts. Good heartache? This is new. This is most definitely new. Bad heartache is easy enough to describe. It's just heartbreak. It hurts. And you can pinpoint the reason and you know the solution.

Good heartache is obtuse. Try to describe what choking feels like. Choking on a hard candy. It's slick, smooth. It's almost soothing. Then the realization sets in. Oh my gosh this thing is stuck in my throat. Okay try to breath. Oh my gosh I can't breath. Wait that was an overreaction. I can whisper so I can breath.

My breath is stunted, and I don't like it at all. But I love the fact that someone is there, holding my air supply for me till I get back. I've found a better friend in an old friend. A better friend in a best friend. A warm hand in a best friend. Tip-toes in a best friend.

'hdasihemllnymaoe'

231157910311441312615816

and my home is my heart forever.

Church

I gave a talk in church. Here it is:

GREATER HARMONY IN OUR HOMES

I was asked today to speak on how to achieve greater harmony in our homes. It’s amazing how the lord directs his servants to choose speakers. This divine process has selected me, an 18 year old sophomore in college who spent most of his life moving around from place to place to teach you all how to achieve family togetherness. I’m sorry to say that I may not be the most qualified speaker. I may, however, be able to share a few things with you from my life that I’ve observed to be true.

I also love being up here because I was recently a Sunday school teacher. It’s much different however, teaching a group whose individual years, in some cases, double and triple my own. Even so, I’m excited for this opportunity.

Ever since I was a child I’ve been longing to run away from home. At a young age I learned how to run through screen doors. I would escape my home any way possible. Most often my mode of transportation was quick, stealthy feet. This trend continued throughout my life, and I was able to sneak away to college earlier than expected. This, however, was my last caper.

My heart grew fond of the place I called home only when hundreds and thousands of miles kept us apart. While away, I learned that 3 things make some place a home.

First, a house. Second, a family. Third, learning.

And that’s it. The great thing about all this is that as kids we can sit back and relax while our parents make their house into a home. Sure, kids play a part, but parents, it’s really all up to you.

Mosiah 4: 14&15 read:

14 And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.

15 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.

So there you have it. Parents need to turn their houses into homes by loving, caring for, and supporting their children. The relationship of a parent and a child is interesting. It is, for the first and for most years of life, a one-way relationship. Even with all the giving parents do and all the taking we as children do, we often forget that our parents have feelings.

It is easy enough to say “thank you” to a friend, or to congratulate them on a job well done. It’s second nature to smile and laugh with friendly companions. Sometimes applying these most basic courtesies to a family setting is easily overlooked. Even in the simplest of situations—your brother pouring you a drink. Try saying thanks. That can apply to all situations and all members of the family.

During my 2^nd semester at byu I had a quote from Socrates hanging on my door that said, “Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers."

To the children I would ask only that you try sometimes to remember that your parents have feelings. a simple remark like “dad those shoes are hideous” could seem harmless enough to you, but could be hurtful to your parents. Let’s all try to remember that age does not make you unsusceptible to discomfort, embarrassment, and insecurity. Likewise age does not surrender the pleasure wrought from simple compliments and praise. Our parents are people to.

If it hasn’t happened already, parents, your children will be angry at you from age 13 to age 17. If they are not you have been truly blessed. Parents, I believe it is your job to make them unhappy. Do not, of course, take that literally, but think about what I’m trying to say. If you protect, care for, and teach them in these most crucial years, they will be okay.

Bishop H. Burke Peterson proclaimed, “In countless writings the prophets of the Lord have been trying to teach us that throughout time and all eternity the most important organization is the family. A loving Father in heaven organized his church here on the earth as a means of teaching families how to be eternally happy. We know that none of us can receive the fulfillment of true happiness except as a member of an eternal family unit.”

Personal experience has taught me that had my parents not taught me during these years of my life, I could have easily been lost from my path to eternal happiness. Children, remember that your parents are acting in the absence of your heavenly parents. They care about your eternal happiness, and if you listen to what they say and teach, you will have a much easier time finding it. It is easier to learn and do NOW, then to have to find your way back LATER.

In these critical years of learning, patience will be key. Bishop Peterson goes on to say, “I have often wondered what would happen if the method of introducing a father to his newborn child were different. Instead of a doctor coming out and saying, “It’s another girl” or “It’s another boy,” how would we react if each time a child was born our Father in heaven made this kind of introduction to the parents:

“Thank you for preparing this little body for the spirit I have created. Now, I present her to you for a season to care for. Please teach her of me and of my Son. I so much want her back with me some day. It all depends on you. Remember this: She is loving. She will respond to teaching. She wants to learn. Please treat her with respect. The road will not be easy. Some of the time it will be most difficult. I want to help you raise her. Please call on me often for advice and counsel. Together we can help her fulfill her purpose in the earth.”

I wonder how we might treat these little ones if they had this kind of introduction. Would it be different?”

Find the strength to remain patient in remembering that your role as parent is divine.

I have observed 4 things parents can do that will increase harmony in your homes, guaranteed.

1. Set a day, and hold family home evening. Let everyone help in organizing it, taking turns to lead, and enjoy the time you have to spend together.

2. Set a time in the day when everyone is together, and have scripture study. Studying the scriptures as a family will insure a greater amount of spiritual safety and protection is present in your home. If thoughtful, conversational, consistent scripture study is held everyday, children will be taught through example the tools they need to weather any storm

3. Have family prayer at least once daily. I would suggest kneeling. For a child, seeing their parents kneel in praying is a powerful example of humbling yourself before the lord.

4. Teach by example, always. Your example will be the template your children use to run their homes. You are teaching by example not only your children, but your children’s children, and every generation to come.

Remember again the scripture, “But ye will teach them to walk in ways of truth and soberness: ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.” And may I add—ye will teach them by your example.

It should be every parents wish that by teaching through example, every child would turn out BETTER than they have. By teaching your children you will jumpstart their earthly experience—maybe you can even save them from mistakes that you have made.

Encourage good the building of good character in the home. Teach each other how to work hard, and also how to have fun! Show kindness to one another and love for those outside the family. In all cases, strive to be selfless. Put others’ needs before your own. This should be easier in the home than out. Children especially, try to think about what you can do to make another family member happy today and every day. Forget yourself and go to work.

Another thing that helps increase unity in the home is setting goals that the family can work together to accomplish. They don’t need to be complex. Gather intel from all members of the family and then decide what you’d like the goal or goals to be. Work on each goal, one at a time. You will be amazed to see what a little teamwork can do for your family. Each time my family sets a goal to get something accomplished, I can easily track my progress as well as the progress of my family members. Seeing everyone work together to yield a positive result is a great way to feel a little more togetherness.

Remember--no matter how big, how little, how worn, or how broken your family may seem, there is always time to pick up the pieces and try again.

Parents, let your children feed for a season off of your testimony and knowledge of the truthfulness of the gospel. Encourage open discussion about gospel topics within the family. Once you have done this, teach them how to seek and find for themselves. Man cannot survive on bread alone. If they learn the words of God in the home, their lives will be much happier when they leave.

Children, it is not worth fighting your parents. They will always be right. Surprisingly, they were once young. They have already done a lot of this growing stuff. Listen to them, and you will skip over the most painful learning experiences, and avoid the most harmful snares.

Harmony takes time. Like singing a song, it takes time and practice. It is likely that at some point, one or more family members will be out of tune. Perfect pitch is a rare gift, and even rarer I’m afraid, when applied to metaphors. That being said, there is no reason to wait, and say, “all is well” and “in time it will come.” Nothing will come if you don’t open the way. So too, harmony will never be reached, if we sit and wait for time to sing our parts.

Remember…..

(Do the Basics)

(Teach through Example)

(Forget Yourself)

(Set Goals + Work Together)

(Interlude)

This is just a side note i guess.

I'm reembarking on my quest to blog daily.

Daily divided by one yearly. Which should be 365 posts.

Wish me luck...and I hope you have fun...

...learning with me.

Litterae: IV

I had the chance to talk to a good friend.

This person is dear to me, but I will be saying goodbye to her in a few short months for almost 3 years. It is likely in that time that I will see her once, twice, maybe three times. And we both know it.

We talked for a while about moving. About change. Few words were really exchanged I'm sure, but the words we spoke will stay in my heart for a lifetime.

"I've had to leave so many people behind."

If you know me, you know I'm a jumper. Every three to five years, I am accustomed to at least three to five hours of distance from my last 'home.'

Home is where the heart is. You know where your heart should be.

I sometimes sit and think what it would be like if I had, like so many, lived in one place my whole life. I would possibly have more stories to sit and laugh about. Maybe I'd cry when I leave to go back across the country to school.

Moving has made me who I am. I would be less _________ if i had been more stationary.

But, I have noticed that my life goes by faster. My heart aches now, knowing that only yesterday I was falling in love with the ocean, and last night, catching fireflies till I fell softly asleep--dad tucking me in tightly like he always does--me waking up in a tangled mess of sheets like i still do. I had a beautiful childhood. More warm, colorful, and carefree than most I'm sure. My heart aches now for each and every one of those memories. I pain for remembrance. My eyes spill over as my vision blurs with the days of my past.

The days when there were no formalities. We were all friends and not one of us was too cool to play with. And I ran through screen doors--I rode fast down the street just to feel free in the warm virginia air--I loved unconditionally--I didn't know any bad words--I had my head passed back and forth as I fell asleep on my brother*sister*brother*sister*broth*sister...*...sister for hours on long car rides to places i cannot recall.

Wild and free. free to learn. learning to choose. choosing to lay. laying for hours outside because it's warm and it's summer and we don't care.

"I can't wait to have kids with long blond hair"

All the moving makes me ache--but i can't live without it.

So if I've moved on from you, or you, or you, or you-I'm nowhere but here. Talk to me and I will listen. We're all moving. Just as I have come and gone, so will you.

More people have heard my voice, as more must hear yours. I have talked to you, you have made me smile, we have said goodbye. Now that we've given ourselves to each other, it's time to give more to someone else. And when we're giving more, we're taking pieces of each other and sharing those pieces with that someone else.

So when you're talking to him, you're talking to me, and when she's talking to me, I'm talking to you. We're always left with each other.

And when we meet again, I hope you've given all my pieces away.

And then we can break off new pieces, and start all again.

Litterae: III

And on the seventh day, we rested.

And on the seventh day, we cried for our son.

And on the seventh day, our sun beat his chest.

And on the seventh day--out--stripes through song; bleed on.

Tell me what those four lines mean and I will work for you as a slave for the rest of my life.

That's one thing that's beautiful about the written word--you can pack so much meaning into four lines that no one but you could ever decode. Then, you could put those words to a soft, warm tune.

Now you know what I do each night before i sleep. I break and re-break meaning into lyric then mold it into song.

And then I close my eyes. I sing and listen. As I listen a picture is painted across my mind, filling every expanse of thought-space, reaching out past every corner of my mind's all seeing eye. Isn't it beautiful? A picture so full and rich that you can't even see the entire picture inside your own head? It's so encompassing that no matter which way you turn inside your mind you'll never explore the entire picture.

That's what i see. I wish i could make you understand how beautiful it is. I cry, thinking i can't take you there with me-but I've found it's my place to go. It's my job to tend the gardens there...my job to look after the racing brook....my job to sing the world to sleep.

And still you don't know what I'm seeing. You can't quite see my picture.

But i can do something for you-

I can sing you straight to yours.

I can make your mind blank space.

Then I can fill it full of warm--if you let me.

I'll play softly. I'll sing in whisper. We'll go there.

Separate worlds. But one song--

And the pictures will fill our minds, full past all horizons of reason.

And almost nothing would stop you from crying, because it's that beautiful.

And almost nothing would make me happier than helping you get there.

Litterae: II

I spent hours (12-9) working outside on our landscaping today. I don't mind it. I get to lift heavy crap and rip trees out of the ground. Makes me feel like I'm hardcore.

People say don't bottle up your feelings HEY i say that's b.s.

b.s.

bull

bull-owny

bologna

maloney

Joe

push-ups

snorting pepper.

That was what we call association.

Back to where i was-.noitaicossallacewtahwsawtaht.reppepgnitronsspu-hsupeoJyenolamangolobynow-llubllub.s.b

People say don't bottle up your feelings HEY i say that's b.s.

If you want to get what you want you need to bottle up your feelings. Bottle them so tightly that it hurts-cause there's no metaphysical preservatives when it comes to emotions. (no, you're right that one didn't really make sense).

I say bottle it up. Why? Because the taste will be sweeter, longer, when you let it age. When you let it out early, there is no fizz, no spark. Let it roll, let it shake. Pressure means a big release. Do that for yourself. My bottle was left open. It went sour. She broke my heart.

Smile through the sour :) When no one's watching-dance. When they are watching-invest. in drapes.

Heartbreak is just a part of life. If you're young-get over it. If you're ripe-get out of it. If you're stale-don't let them walk away.

But then who am I to be writing about love.

If one day you read this, I love you. We are ripe to staling now, but you are beautiful as the day i will meet you. You are a queen. You are my heart.

To my children- I am overjoyed to see you are still my children-happier still to know you're a child of God.

Litterae: I

I have learned some things in my life.

I think (here i considered backspacing, erasing think, and putting know, then decided to type this parenthetical statement instead to make it clear that i KNOW what I am about to say, and I think it has been affective in doing so) that the best way to learn about life is to live it and then to observe what it yields.

So, here then, i guess, are some observations of life lived, which I ( ) to be true:

• People you really love, are worth spending time with.
• Friends are expendable if they come in plenty--but when plenty is reached, an awareness of loss is removed.
• Personal hygiene is 99% of what makes or brakes other people liking other people--the reality of it is though, that decision is made in the first seconds of any interaction. So, to the world, and all it's inhabitants, your smile, your personality, your laugh, the time you spend doing things that really matter--they only account for 1%. Granted, that 1% is exponentiated once our first decision (hygienic evaluation) is made. Imagine the seconds you could save if you were blind, and had no sense of smell. And those seconds would add to minutes. And those minutes to hours. And those hours to days. And those days to weeks. And those weeks to months. And those months to years. Try, next time you meet someone, to close your eyes and plug your nose before they're clearly in range. You'll be saving more time than you know.
• Since that last bullet point was significantly longer than the rest I'm going to give you a little breathing room.

• It is often easier to lie than to tell the truth.
• Black goes with everything. And black is timeless. Why? Because it shows no shadow, and bares no light. It is the way an object reflects light that gives our eyes their perception of the world around us. That's why blackness is deceiving--you never see it's true form. I guess then that means that even with endless happiness, there will be deception. Maybe that's just the appearance it gives though. Darkness has depth, but it cannot be seen.
• Love is worth fighting for.
• Love and attraction are completely separate entities. Love can exist without attraction. Attraction can exist without love. Often they are coupled together. But true love cannot be built by attraction. You see, true love, lasting, eternal love, is blind. And though truest love is blind, attraction is blinding. Now you see why these can be easily confused. That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with attraction. It's when love is compromised for attraction that problems arise. And if you compromise love, you've compromised lasting happiness.
• Finding lasting happiness through true love in its purest form is not easy--which is why I will avoid hasty marriage. (p.s. relationships are trials; they're all but one going to end poorly, but that's what they were meant for--learning).
• It is easy to be prideful and conceited rather than accepting defects and taking the time to correct them. Because that is the case, the people who most deserve to be prideful and conceited really never are. Someone who is humble, should be considered as someone of greatest consequence, and held in your highest regards.
• Gratitude is never real until expressed through action to the one from whom the gratitude was inspired.

I'm glad you could listen. I really do love to think...to sit and think and then pool those thoughts so I can pull that pool out of the water and leave it to dry on the page.

Don't ever stop thinking. Don't ever stop analyzing.

Dead is the mind that has given up its right to reason, and shamed is the creator that gave the mind the right to reason at all.

Think about it.

to mama, too

This is the only recorded record that will ever explain why I wrote this album. That's right, there's finally another album of music.

I feel good. I put my heart and soul and sole into these songs.

They're about a kid, who was raised by wolves. They're about what happens when his father dies, when he finds out he dies, when he can't succeed his father as head of the pack, when he leaves, when he looks back, when he moves forward.

It's hard to express the amazing sort of feeling you get when you write an out of body sort of song like these ones.

Every song consisted of me sitting down and putting myself into this story that I fabricated in my mind, and throwing all the emotion from that story into a song. Of course, since I am not Jeremiah, I can't put his every feeling into the song as effectively as he would (if he were real), but I think I've done all I can.

This album is just......i don't know how to describe it except that it's real and natural and i just flows.

Originally I wrote all the songs to fit together like a puzzle so they could be played as one big continuous song, but then I realized that life isn't like that.

There's stages. There's phases.

There are some elements of my life in the songs, but who knows where one runs into the other.

Most of the songs are almost conversational between Jeremiah and his wolf mother. This creates an often obscure tone and language that really is often hard to interpret.

I hope, when you get the chance, you can join me and enjoy Jeremiah's Songs.

I thought I'm done with thinking

I thunk I thought I was done with thinking but I'm sure my thoughts are what made me think it.

I can't stop it, but I can ignore it.

And I'm happy :)

She makes me think-but I love that.

And I'm only trying to stop thinking because I know thinking is what she doesn't want me to do. But then aren't I thinking thoughts to contain thoughts she never wanted me to think.

But still, I'm happy :)

I don't think I've ever been happier with my life. It really is perfect. This is the best time of my life.

I'm going to try not to waste time thinking about it.

"There's gonna be one less lonely girl."

Love My Smiling Heart

I'm a happy camper.

What makes me so happy.

Giving and receiving love.

And I've found that when it's just the right person, it's ever better. And the love grows.

It grows up to meet your lips. It purses them, forces them into a smile.

It floods down to wash your toes. It numbs them, makes them sail softly along the ground.

It finds a way to touch every nerve. And it makes them smile, too.

It takes your head, and it wipes every dark inch, every dusty corner, and makes it all--smile.

Then it takes her picture and drags it into your view--and now your eyes are smiling eyes too.

Now smiles are all you see and do--the smile is part and all of you.

You smile to sleep, and smile yourself awake, and smiling smiles for smiling's sake.

And then, it smiles its way into your heart

And then, it smiles its way into your heart :

And then, it smiles its way into your heart : )

And now that you've thought about it, you smile because you've smiled.

I guess you could say that's why I'm smiling now.

And I guess you could say that's why I plan on smiling for quite a while.

And when I smile, you'll see me smiling all over.

And when you see me smiling all over, you'll see me smiling.

Carry your love.

Love is nothing more--a smiling heart.

Monkey Business

Today I had class student congress.

Today was fun.

A lot of times I find myself laughing incredibly hard at something no one else is laughing at. Me and my brother are very much the same in this way.

So this is how it happened, today.

I walked into class. Everyone rearranged their desks to accommodate for student congress debates. When we all got barely situated, one very odd kid, sitting 3 chairs to my left, who I will call Senator Condor, did something.

Remember, what he is about to do made me nearly sprinkle. Yes, sprinkle.

He announced to the entire class, "Is this anyone's banana?" as he pulled an old, brown+black banana off the ground from under his desk.

haha. Clearly that banana had been there for a while. Clearly the banana had no owner in the room. I lost it. It was such a funny situation. And if you could see Senator Condor, with his red hair, rectangular glasses, and nasally voice, you would laugh with me.

When his question was answered with nothing but silence (and my hysterical laughter(spurting-I was trying to contain it)) he proceeded to open the banana, and eat it. He assured us all that most people "waste them. Even though they're bad looking on the outside the inside is delicious."

As he placed the brown, bruised banana in his mouth, I though about how wonderful it might be to be socially awkward to the point of total ignorance of your awkwardness. I am fully aware that at times I'm can be awkward. We all can.

But then I thought, if I was unaware of my social awkwardness, then I wouldn't be able to enjoy these golden nuggets of inspirational awkwardness.

Don't be afraid to laugh at what other people say. It's fine. Just let them know you love them, and that what they said just made your day.

Most importantly, don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.

Quidditch is draining my funds. But hey, I've still got the job, and a pay check arrives 1 week from Friday. Hope I can make it.

SleepTalk

You know you're happy when the weather provides for you.

The above is a great example of a poorly written sentence.

The above sentence is a great example of a cover up for an unintentionally poorly written sentence.

The above sentence is a great example of obsessive denial.

I'm just totally speaking complete crap style.

I love working. One, I get money. Two, it helps me manage my time. Three, I work with weird people. Four, I see so many stereotypical science majors it blows my mind-every time.

Five, I'm all alone.

But why alone? Alone sucks? No. Alone is fun because I can sing at the top of my lungs (almost) in empty laboratories for hours.

I usually sing John Mayer. He's right in my range. Thank you John, for helping me get through the sweep sweep trash trash mop mop lock lock lock lock.

I purchased equipment for the Quidditch hoops today. Should be fun. It's really starting to come together. Come and watch. It's bound to be magical.

My roomate just told me he drooled. Funny kid trevor is. Talks in a sleepy state a lot. For example, just the other week, I made a noise while Trevor was barely asleep, and he sat up a little and asked if I made it past the first page. I promptly told him he was asleep. He insisted on asking again:

"Well did you make it past the first page?"

"Hey Trevor you're asleep buddy."

When he talks in his sleep, I send him texts in the middle of the night so he wakes up and knows what he said-because if there's anything I hate more than playing monopoly with cheaters, it's forgetting a dream after I have it. And I guess I'd like to know when I sleep talk too.

A week after the Trevor incident, while he was away for a family vacation, Mikey slept in Trevor's bed. Well it was more of we were watching a movie and he fell asleep.

"Mikey, you have to go to bed bro."

(yeah I said bro fight me)

Mikey sits up.

"Wait...I can't find my marker."

"Mikey what are you talking about?"

"I can't find my marker man."

"He Mikey, you're completely asleep."

Mikey exits sighing:

"Dude that's not cool man."

Ten minutes later, Mikey wrote on my facebook: "yeah i don't know what the eff i was talking about haha, i was most definitely asleep."

And That was Tuesday, My Dear.

Spring Break

I've been gone for a time. Nowhere in particular. Just here and there. My emotions, however, sat out the sojourn.

And that is why I missed 8 days of blogging. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

If you've ever had a _________________ type of week, then you know how I feel. That's a flat line. My week had no heartbeat. The soul of the week was lost in-a tangled mess of seaweed and urchins flourishing all over the sunken hull of my now dormant boat-only a week.

And just like that, happy saturday, and lazy, wonderfully lazy sunday, picked me up. What a wonderful lift.

While I was away I learned about tons of thing I am grateful for. I wrote them down. Someday I'm going to go back a look at them. On that day I will be twice as thankful for those things I realized I am so thankful for today.

I also made a wonderful new friend. Her name is Kathryn. Kathryn makes me feel like a kid, which I've found I need for of. She makes me smile. She is small. The right size. Small enough to crawl right into my heart. Thank you Kathryn.

I have an announcement. I invented a new genre of foot Quidditch, aka muggle Quidditch. I am hosting a massive event, the first of it's kind at this University. So far, nearly 120 people have rsvp'd as attending. That means likely turnout is around 80 persons. We are about to rock the muggle world.

Quidditch, oddly enough, is a sport that takes a large amount of coordination.

What also takes a large amount of coordination, you ask? The Answer: Festival of Colors.

Celebrating a Hindu holiday by throwing hundreds of pounds of colorful chalk dust in the air was an amazing experience. And it just makes sense, no? The human specimen is a beautiful canvas-we have not the power to make it, only to mold it.

My scalp is pink, and has remained pink for a while. The chalk stains.

I can't wait for next year.

Oh, and it's good to be back. (smiley face, hug).

Ride Fast, Young Stallion

I wish I dreamed more often.

I dream when I'm awake, yes; but rarely do I dream while asleep.

At the beginning of the week, I had a dream that I was fighting a skeleton-female who was made completely out of bone, but who had the appearance of rotting flesh.

Naturally, I had to fight and kill this skeleton with whatever weapon I had on hand. Swinging a hammer like a madman, I fought until it was time for dinner. When dinner came, my dream moved into a house where my family was in the kitchen getting ready to eat.

Of course, skeleton-lady was invited to dinner (WHY) and we all sat and ate happily, my family unaware that our mostly dead guest was just minutes earlier trying to kill me.

So, the real question is, why hadn't I offed her before dinner? The answer: bone is stronger than hammer. Of course, that's not how it works in real life, but apparently that was how it was going to work in my dreams.

At dinner, I found a giant sword (in my hand) that happened to be studded with diamonds (Thankthelord). I quickly got up from the table and moved toward the front door. I knew that even though I had not finished, and neither had my skeleton-lady, (though I can't remember if she was even eating; wait no, I think she was lurking, just kind of hanging out) if I moved outside, she would follow.

I made it to the front lawn, quickly turned to see her bounding out of the front door, and then!

Yep. Sucks how dreams just end right where you least e.

Also sucks how sentences just seem to

f

a

l

l

o

fAt work today, I used the stallions. They suck up water out of fcarpets we clean. They should be called dead camels; you have to drag them across the floor manually. They have no wheels. They are not light. They hold water.

t

hI hope that on this wonderful thursday night I can fall asleep and edream of real horses, riding swiftly through a prairy of tall grass and sunflowers.

pMaybe there I will meet you, and you can help me finish my duel awith skeleton-lady.

g

e

.

Wednesday

Today was Tuesday's baby.

I woke up wednesday morning with a sore throat, a cough, and a running nose. I am now falling asleep with all the same. P.S. I went to the bathroom three times in the middle of the night.

Today I made it to work (on time). When I got there I found out I was on 3rd and 4th crew. This was cool cause I like sweeping and mopping and changing garbage cans, it's like they knew exactly like what I like wanted like and they like cared like what about like what I really wanted to do omg.

When I.

When I s.

When I st.

When I sta.

When I star.

When I start.

When I starte.

When I started cleaning on the fourth floor I was happy to discover myself doing the left side labs Yay my fave omg.

First lab I approach- "Warning, Lasers in use, do not enter without protection."

Okay phew I'm wearing my lucky rubber glove I just got out of that closet back there. Okay phew the giant red light above the door isn't flashing, which means lasers aren't in use. My eyes are happy.

Second lab- "DO NOT TURN ON THE LIGHTS. LIGHT REACTIVE COMPOSITIONS INSIDE."

Okay phew it's easier to clean up stuff in the pitch black with my laser eyes.

For the next 20 minutes I swept, de-trashed, and mopped my way through three labs with the "no lights" policy. In complete darkness I cleaned.

This darkness is the type of complete darkness that scares you. I could not see the hand in front of my face. How the. What. You. I. Enough has been said.

I run in to a lot of extremely socially awkward people on the job. Also a large portion of foreigners. Also a lot of large machinery and warnings that my face is going to burn if I touch this, or even that ('these janitors are so dumb stewey, we should totally put up signs for these dumb janitors, meh').

Imagine...a giant prison...full of traps...and the lights are sometimes off...and it's dirty, unless you clean it...and conversation is less than hahafable...and yeah that guy-I'm pretty sure he has showered, but it's still kind of up in the air.

Wo. You were just in...my shoes...

Today was Thursday's daddy.

Five More Hours

The weather today was beautiful. We all called it the first day of spring.

Starting at 2:30, I went outside.

At 3:00, there was a mass exodus to the lawn. It seemed like everyone in the dorms was out in the quad, laying in the grass, the sun. Other played volleyball, croquet, football...

But where I live. But where I. But Where. I. Disc.

I live to frisbee. I toss, I catch, I run, I laugh, and all with my friends. So it only made sense that I was outside throwing the frisbee for five hours (with a forty minute dinner break).

When outside, I saw a lot of interesting things. I saw TOOLS playing croquet. Now you might ask, where's the problem there? I'll tell you the freaking problem. The problem was threefold:

1) They were playing with their shirts off.

2) They were playing in short shorts.

3) They were cromatators. They swung golf-style. You're supposed to swing between the

legs. They didn't practice proper ball-contact etiquette.

sub3) For those of us who know croquet, we know that upon contacting another's ball,

you are granted an extra hit OR you may choose to LUANCH your opponents ball

using proper foot-arch-ball stance. Tools are for tool sheds, not colleges.

Remember back in fourth grade, playing night games with the neighborhood kids, and your mom would call you in for bed? What did you do?

You asked for five more minutes.

Hi. You're at college.

Ask for five more hours.

"I am the Zamboni."

Today was a beautiful day.

I saw some beautiful people. I heard some beautiful things.

And as of today, poor man is worth man than he was yesterday. That's right. I have a job. I MAKE $7.79 AN HOUR AND I AM LIVING LARGE.

For three hours I cleaned floors. But before I got the floor machine, I had to get the keys; not just any keys; the magic keys; the magic keys that can unlock even the most improper semicolon usage; and the chamber of secrets;

It was less magic keys and more magic chain. This two foot long golden chain hangs low from my belt loop, swinging below my knees at full extension. And oh how it shines. Gold, bling bling, gold, ladies.

And when I insert the key into my back pocket, and that chain hangs cooly from front to back...oh how cooly. I have never been so suburban punk. I'm making mother proud.

"Hey, what's your son do?"

"Which one?"

"The little one that looks like you, but a male."

"Oh, him? He's a janitor."

Let it be known, let it be written, "I am the Zamboni."

If you walk around the Benson and see your reflection staring back at you from the flawless ground, you have me to thank.

I am shaking what my mother gave me. (metaphor).

(not even sure there's a metaphor there).

My Zamboni is popin,

My Zamboni is cool,

All the girlies stoppin,

The chasin' me after school.

No Money? Don't sit there. Get it done.

Turn your speed from symbol of a turtle to symbol of a rabbit.

Now, MAN, grab your life by the squeegee lever.

What's that?!

No, your mother is gone.

Pull in your gut. Tighten those buns. Let me hear you roar.

Now stand on your own two feet, and scream it with me.

"I am the Zamboni."

Only The Sweetest Silence

I was sick.

I've found that being sick means a lot of coughing, a lot of water, a lot of emptying, a lot of sleeping, a lot of haze, and just a lot of noise.

I love that people care about others.

My friends Sam came to my room today just to check up on me. I think I'm still smiling. Thanks Sam :7

With a grand total of 6 Nyquil, 6 Dayquil, and countless hours of sleep, I finally feel peace. I've still got the nose and the cough, but there's peace.

And just in time for my roommate to come home. He's been gone all weekend, conveniently enough, and I've since detoxed our room.

Now I can enjoy what I've been missing all weekend. Music. Warm music that makes me boil over till I can't help but sing along. How warm.

Not any music can do it; only the best, according to MY ear, and no one else's. It takes some time to find it, but when I do...

Warm.

I've found one thing alone to be warmer than the soothing embrace of a beautiful song.

Lay outside at night when all the stars are bright, the air is light and cool, and the grass is tall and dry. Lay out in the front yard, under the big oak tree as the cars pass lazily by. Sit still by the lake, and watch rocks skip endlessly away across the glassy water while the last sliver of light dips below into the endless black.

I've gone many places. I've heard many things.

I'm afraid I'm yet not to hear all I haven't wanted to.

Only the noblest scape.

Only the sweetest silence.

Lazy shift up two

Try being terribly sick, at college, away from home.

You'll know why there's blank space.

Lazy.

Friday.

Test.

Brother's Birthday.

Completely Sick.

Pushing through.

Talk less, cough less.

Amen.

wash {_ r u n _ _}

Today Daniella arrived :)

If you've ever had a best friend ever one you can always rely on one you can always go to one who would never betray you and always forgive you.

That is her.

We toured campus, we ate food, we watched humorous television shows (ha) and we ate some more.

At night we went to my friends apartment south of campus. We all talked for a while then went out to the hot tub.

I counted eight. Only three I knew. One I became fond of. Who? Terrell. This large black man was funny, sociable, and he had my back. Thanks Terrell.

As the minutes turned into hours, our heads turned to sweating, our fingers and toes to prunes.

Sitting idle. Sometimes it's exactly what you need. Tonight, it was exactly what I needed. I've never been a big fan of prunes, unless of course they're on my fingers and toes.

While my skin wrinkled, I watched a giant wheel of time turning across the water. My mind, like my sensitive skin, weathered in fast forward from the heat.

So many decisions. How could so many decisions be made in so short a time? I had so short a time. So short a time. Wrinkles across my mind. So short a time.

Then Peace. Calm.

Then Drive Home.

Then Dim Light.

Then Shower.

thank you time.

thank you water.

thank you belle.

thank you {_ _ _ _ _ _}.

Hello, Lee.

Wednesday often passes slower than other days.

On wednesday I have only one real class and no other serious obligations. No sooner had I woken up then seven o'clock rolled around.

Seven o'clock and hanging out in my room, eight o'clock and leaving my room for another's, nine o'clock and time to leave for the night.

During my eight to nine interval of visitation, I was sure to test out all beds visible to my then glassy eyes. By eight (after being awake for only 9.5 hours) I was ready to collapse. Luckily I have friends (what wouldn't I do with them).

What is hello but hey, and what is hey but 'Ha.' Ha, Lee. Lee like lye, lye like lie, and lie like leigh.

As I laid my head softly down on lee's bed, I realized how lucky I am. My life is unique, and completely wonderful.

Thank you friends and family and God for making my life what it is, and what it isn't.

Keeping my eyes half open, I listened as my friends talked, laughed, and sat quiet.

If you'd ever like to, just ask.

We'll go, we'll sit, we'll talk, we'll laugh, and then we'll just listen.

We'll sit quietly and hear it all.

Then we'll say, "Look at it. Look at it all."

And then we'll stand, staring at the stars, running new waters, weaving old string.

Hello, Lee.

Amanda

It rained today. It rained for minutes. It rained for hours. Maybe it rained for days. By the time it stopped raining, I didn't even know what day it was.

Thank you, Amanda, for reminding me that the day after Monday before Wednesday four days before the weekend is, in fact, Tuesday.

As for the rest of the day (what day?) it kept raining.

Here's the financial update-I'm in the exact same spot. BUT, guess who (what?). I had a job interview today. They should get back to me tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be cleaning floors again by the end of the week.

In the immortal words of lil scrappy, "Money in the bank, shorty what you drank."

I'm not sure when or how height became a primary distinguishing factor for attractiveness, AND a relationship status, but I do know this: soon, I will have money in the bank, shorty.

Shorty (shortly) after I found out about my job interview, I ate dinner. At dinner I made a small cup of perfectly sculpted frozen yogurt. Not only was it beautiful, it was GROSE.

And though I realize 'not only' was not an appropriate expression to use in that situation.

See, look what I can do. I can just end a sentence where it's completely inappropriate.

After discovering my vanilla flavored frozen yogurt was not only beautiful, but gross, I dumped it out, and went for vanilla ice cream.

The ice cream was melty, dripping, barely solid, and pretty much liquid. Yes. I can just use four descriptive phrases/adjectives that mean exactly the same thing. (Emphasis?).

The great thing about the ice cream was that it tasted amazing.

Sometimes the drippy, melting, ugly things will please you more than the pretty, solid things.

Don't judge a cream by it's texture.

Less than three, Amanda.

Smiling Abs & Social Acid

Today was monday.

I worked out today for one hour. My regiment of choice? P90X, Core Synergistics.

If you've never done P90X, do it. It's pretty insane. It hurts, but it's a wonderful hurt. In the words of Tony, "I hate it, but I love it."

30 minutes into the workout (which I've done MANY times) I was not extremely happy.

But what's awesome is that I keep going. I keep going all the way through, every time, despite the pain.

I wish I could be that strong when it comes to...girls, schooling, religion, family...

Too often I give up before I've reached my limit. Flexing my personality is easy. But then, so is overdosing on social acid.

As for love gained and love lost, I've had my share. As I push through the emotional strain of everyday life, I try to say "I love you."

If you tell them that you love them, then they'll know you love them.

If you show them you love them, they'll love you back.

If you fight through the pain, tell them, show them, push further, and love them still, then, and only then, you will have made a lifelong friend.

Work your smile like you work your abs, amp up your devotion like you pump up your arms, and always, always, build your love.

Tying up Sunday.

I have a mild tie fetish. Consequently I have a medium rare tie collection. I say medium rare because the ties I own are all unique, though the most unique have been worn by others before me.

Wrapping my newest thrift store tie around my neck this Sunday, I realized that you can often determine someone's personality from the ties that they wear.

For example:

• a solid color fat bottomed tie-they wanted to make sure they match well, but they're not willing to go any deeper into the fashion world. These make good friends, but even better acquaintances.
• a paisley tie of average width- This person is slightly more bold. They care about what they look like, but they don't know that paisleys are overwhelming on almost every tie. Great friends, though they sometimes think they're all that.
• an animal scene tie- This person has a wolf and cub on their tie. It's really hit or miss here. They're either your best friend for life or a seventh grade science teacher. Either way, they're unique...
• a super-slim tie- This person either pulls off the super slim very well or disgraces it's beauty. Super-slim ties work for super-slim guys. Period. ''Super-slim with fat, don't touch that, super-slim with thin, you've got the in.''
• a skinny tie- Hands down. The best tie. And you know what? It looks good on just about anyone. This person cares, but isn't too showy. Love the skinny tie. The skinny tie loves you.

Who am I? I am a skinny tie. I am an occasional super slim. I am an every 5th week solid. I am a millennial paisley. I am an animal scene wanna be.

When you suit your tie to everyone, the tie suits everyone to you.

Look ( SHARP ) on Sundays.

Sat(ur)day

Saturday I slept till noon.

From noon to 1:30 I worked out.

From 2:00 to 2:45 I ate lunch.

From 3:00 to 4:30 I wrote a song with my roommate.

From 4:45 to 5:30 me and my roommate got a couch from a thrift store.

From 5:45 to 5:57 we maneuvered the couch into our room.

From 6:00 to 6:45 we ate dinner.

From 7:00 to 8:30 we watched 30 Rock.

And from 9:00 to 10:00 I played music in the tunnel.

Looking back on my day, I realize how much I got 'accomplished.' Wether or not what I actually did was productive is still up in the air, but I am sure (sure) that if it counts as time waisted, it was time waisted in the pursuit of happiness.

As far as Saturdays go, I would give March 6th a 6 of 10 (how appropriate). Results were above average, but nothing too terribly memorable.

I did, however, have a close encounter with a massive snoring polynesian whose name was definitely from a nursery rhyme and possibly-almost the common acronym for body odor. Dio? This Mammoth Man was nothing short of Massive (note the capitalized alliteration).

Dio was large enough to recline a chair to its threshold (ground), require two (large) blankets to cover the length of his body, and produce sound waves (we discovered) that penetrate multiple layers of sheetrock.

It's men like Dio that put a big ".....ur....." in Saturdays.

In Six Dimensions

Friday.

Friday is the party. day.

Today, I walked home to my new room after writing a broadcast script for a Japanese Beetle invasion of a neighborhood in a local town. The news hits hard these days, and I plan on hitting the news just as hard as it hits me.

When I got to my room, I had trouble getting my key in the lock. This wasn't your average 'I'm stupid, I put the key in upside down' type of trouble. This type of trouble was I forcibly could not get the key into the lock.

Survey says: no idea. What I did know was that my key wasn't working, and I was tired. Survey (actually) says: they switched the lock on my door without informing me. Who is they? The man. The system. The same ones that take one of your socks while you're asleep. The same ones that shine sunlight right at your eye and NOWHERE else. The same ones that put little rocks in your shoe.

After going to the help desk and getting a brand new key, I went home, unlocked my door, and breathed.

My new room feels more like home than my old. Still, not home, but 'like.'

Later in the night I watched a new movie, "Alice in Wonderland." This remake of an old classic (one which I had never before seen) was horrifying. I honestly have never been more terrified (disturbed) in my life.

Before the movie started, I took my seat and watched the previews. I first put on my 3D glasses. Then I put on a second pair.

Seeing life in six dimensions is substantially more exciting than seeing life through only my eyes. From six dimensions I can see in ultra, retro, intrusive, future, and arial perspectives. From six dimensions I can see the back of my head and stare through to the front, all up from my toes.

'Cool' people are often only 'cool' to the naked eye. 'Beautiful' people are often only 'beautiful' in plain sight.

Try it again;

Try it again in six dimensions.

Kentucky Fried Grooving

Today, Thursday, I made a big move.

I moved up one floor into the sky. I now live a floor higher than I did before.

Higher->Floor->Moving->Moving up->

MOVING ON UP.

And somehow, MOVING ON UP->Kentucky Fried Chicken.

BUT, we blasted music while making the move. So thus, Kentucky Fried Grooving.

And now you know how my mind works. Don't you feel alive? Doesn't knowing the way I think just make you feel alive? Maybe I'm alive because I think the way I do.

While moving, I carried boxes upon boxes from one room to another. When I moved all the boxes, and my new roommate moved his, our room was Thrashtroyed (thrashed and destroyed).

As I struggled to make my way from one end of the room to the other (and, receiving multiple cardboard cuts and hanger stabs) I realized I had a lot of stuff.

Putting books on shelves and boxes under beds, Trevor and I learned what it means to be sentimental. No, not old woman sentimental. My grandmother kept all her kid's teeth, how sadistic is that.

No, I mean look at these scars sentimental; I mean I laughed till I cried sentimental; I mean sleeping till 3pm sentimental.

I love my new room. I love my new roommate. I love my life.

I loved Kentucky Fried Grooving my way, up, up, up.

Warm and Cold

''Wow, am I really am on time? Nice.

Shorts? No. Pants. Check. Jacket? Hmm.''

We all make this decision everyday. What we wear depends (well (uh)) mostly on the weather (females..?)(sorry mom?).

When I checked the weather, I saw high 55. NICE. No jacket required.

What's great about the weather is the little pictures. They make it so easy. JUST LOOK AT THE LITTLE PICTURE. No problem right-WRONG!

I, unfortunately, did not look at this 88 pixel square. Much to my dismay, the weather called for a slight chance of rain and overcast skies.

On my walk to class I was happy; the air was warm, the sun was shining bright. As I walked from class an hour later the sky spit down on my stupidity, "Stupid boy, stupid boy!"

As I shivered my way back home, the company of a friend warmed me through the cold, keeping me smiling, laughing, distracted, all the way home.

When we make mistakes, we learn and persist, or we face the cold. Over the course of the long winter, I have weathered enough weather mistakes to have become unaware of the cold. My fingers, ears, and nose are permanently red and numb.

I don't think it's good.

If you have the opportunity to relieve yourself of a COLD situation, do it. Don't let it numb you.

I think I'd rather feel the cold then stay lukewarm.

I think I'd rather see, feel, and OVERCOME the cold before it overcomes me.

If you've noticed the warm lately, if you noticed the cold lately, you're doing fine.

Try to remember: the warm air should rise, the cold should fall.

What's Missing is {your name here}

I saw a lot of things happen today.

I saw a lot of anger. I saw a little love. I saw a lack of vision. I saw what's push, what's shove.

Most importantly, I saw what my life is like with STRESS.

STRESS IS:

-not getting along with your roommate,

-not budgeting your time well,

-procrastinating,

-not getting to see the one person who makes you forget you're stressed at all.

Yes, it was a stressful day.

This time the stress wasn't about money, or class, or even REALLY about school at all.

This stress was emotional. Emotional stress hurts more than physical stress. BUT, like physical stress, emotional stress builds muscle.

Flexing my emotional muscle today brought on new soreness; but as the soreness heals, I will be building in strength and stature.

oh, I forgot, STRESS IS:

-who poured a pound of wet noodles down the stairwell.

Essentially, I found myself in a storm of contention and high strung housing gods and goddesses.

We all go through emotional stress. We all go through ups and downs.

If you see someone you think is way up or way down or anywhere in between, ask yourself, "What are they missing?"

Maybe what they're missing is a hug. Maybe what they're missing is some laughter. Maybe what they're missing is a friend. No matter how 'set' they may be, they're missing something.

What's missing is {your name here}.

Chicken Parm.

Monday was a great day. I slept till 11, went to class, wrote a song, went to class, worked on a group project, went to a friends apartment, cooked+ate dinner there, worked out, came home, laid in bed.

And now I'm here.

Today was my new friend Scott's birthday. Walking from 'psuedostronomy' to a campus cafe, Scott, Alissa, and myself, made a good deal of noise. Every passer by was informed that it was Scott's birthday, and about 50% offered their sincerest (grunt?) congratulations at his (visible?) aging.

When worrying about what other people think, you lose sight of what's most important: what YOU think. Are you fat? who cares. How's your hair? I certainly don't. Am I walking funny? How should I know.

If you stop worrying about yourself, you will have more time to enjoy yourself, and others. Maybe that smile you shoot to that one person you haven't seen lately is just what they needed. But who can flash a smile when their thoughts are distant with the wind's constant, unavoidable onslaught of the posterior cowlick?

If you give a moose a muffin, he'll eventually set up camp in your house. Don't let those little habits/peeves become a 'moosesense nuisance.'

When helping cook dinner at my friends apartment, I was the official chicken pounder. Wielding a giant meat hammer, I used my (very) basic cooking knowledge to tenderize (to perfection?).

This dish: Chicken Parmesan.

Without my cave-mannish contribution to the dinner, it would not have been properly completed. Because I did my part, all went as planned, and everyone was happy.

I suppose Chicken Parmesan is a dish we all feel every day. When someone forgets to bread, when others forget to bake, when YOU forget to marinade...the dish turns for disaster.

Do your part, and tenderize. Besides, you're not the only one who needs to be fed.

Left Turns

Today I spent most of my Sunday at a friends house, eating food, watching a movie, playing guitar, and just talking.

I really love her family. Very genuine people.

Among our list of discussion topics was...me. We talked about my music, we talked about my aspirations, and we talked about my past. For me, the entire process was very eye opening; I learned a lot about myself by scrolling through my life map with no intent to make any real observations.

Among the things that I learned is I (and all of us) make poor decisions (sort of).

At age 16, at the beginning of my Junior year of high school, I decided it was time to graduate. I worked my butt off, and did what I needed to do to graduate a year early.

My list of reasons was relatively short, but well substantiated. 1) I wanted to be able to hang out with friends I knew wouldn't be drinking on the weekends. 2) I wanted to be in school with my older brother and sister. 3) I wanted change.

I am a very antsy person. I think I have Life A.D.D. My family has always moved, so I've just gotten used to a slightly sporadic lifestyle.

While discussing this with my friend and her family (mom mainly), I realized sometimes I make decisions for all the wrong reasons.

Sometimes though, those decisions end up being what's best for me.

Here at school, I've matured in so many ways I never could have dreamed about in high school; and that's the REAL reason why I needed to be here. Not to get away from friend drama or to be closer to others or just for a change.

My point? Sometimes the best way to get where you need to go isn't exactly the way you thought you might go.

Sometimes, you need to make some 'overlooked' lefts to go 'unassumingly' right.

Echoes

I've been writing my own music for about 2 years now, and every time I want to write a new song, I sit down, and I write it.

Music has always just been something that flows. Poetry flows. Words flow. (Sometimes) I am good with words.

Tonight (saturday) I sat in a long tunnel that runs underground between two buildings on campus. The acoustics there are amazing. Even a whisper can be heard from end to end. The tunnel is a few HUNDRED feet long. Talk about unbeatable.

After sitting for an hour, leaned up against the wall, singing my heart and soul out in this amazing environment, I quietly packed up and went home.

No one ever knew I was there, besides the friend that tagged along (Eric), and I expect no one will. I do however, plan to return every weekend to hear the echo as it rings on through that beautiful concert hall.

As for my road to financial freedom, I am on my way. I have payed off any and all fiscal responsibilities and am moving quickly into the black!

I am still searching for a job, I am focused on schooling, and I love my life.

But then, isn't that just an echo? Yes, I think I've played this song many times before.

Old Magic.

From day to day, things tend to stay basically the same. As of today, one thing is still very much the same as every other day before.

I, am still a muggle.

My weekend (freebie!) date just happens to be centered around a University sponsored Harry Potter themed dance. I, of course, am a Harry Potter fanatic. For this reason I will be attending dressed as Draco Malfoy post death-eater initiation.

After I carved my wand, put away my garb, and got ready for bed, I got sad.

Unlike Draco, I will always be a muggle.

Also, unlike Draco, I am not tied to The Dark Lord.

One thing that me and Draco do have in common? A boyish figure.

Today I successfully built up enough funds on my dining card to fund a meal for my brother AND myself.

I know!

To take advantage of all possible knowledge gaining opportunities (as well as good friends and comfortable seating) I will be attending my favorite unregistered class tomorrow: Astronomy.

In Astronomy I usually update my eBay account, perform seo for my blog, knock out some homework, or even search for a job! (Imagine that).

Tomorrow as the talk of old magic in the sky passes into and back out of my head, I will whisk away the time turning over pages of new thought, forgetting then, that I am spell-bound to be ordinary.

But then, what fun is being extraordinary anyways?

Goodnight, moon.

Recycled

I got a call today from my mom. I was in class, so i had to silence it and keep my focus (eh).

At 2:19, I called my voicemail. As I walked through the cold rain, I learned that my Aunt, Judy, of Columbus Ohio, had passed away an hour earlier. I could hear my mom choking back tears as she told me she loved me, and how she would wait to tell my brother and sister.

I held back tears as she struggled to tell me the good news. She had finished rolling my change. The total came to somewhere around $90. I quickly responded, remembered it was a recording, then hung up the phone.

It's funny how things come, and how they go just as soon as they'd arrived. My aunt was a beautiful woman, whose life ended years before any of us expected.

I sat thinking about my mom, sitting alone in our house, rolling change to pass the time, to keep her thoughts occupied. I sat and cried. I love my mother. I love her.

Now, from my wet cheeks, I can force a smile. I never cried for my aunt. A time not long, Judy, till we meet again. I cry for my mom. She meant lots to her.

When bigger things enter into our lives, sometimes it is nice to just pause. Sometimes we need to just sit, and roll some change. Life cycles, and recycles, and really we are all just rolling change to pass the time from on place to another.

I time not long, Judy. Mom, I love you.

Rolling Thoughts.

The key to finding inspiration for anything is opening up your head, clearing your thoughts.

Everyday before I sleep I have a brain storming (more like brain draining) session to get all my thought onto my computer. As an ad major, the ideas are often for a new campaign. As a poor college kid, they're sometimes about how to make money. As a thinker, they're sometimes about thoughts that I think.

A recent thought I've thunk is a business proposition. I would write the thought i thunked down HERE, but then that thought would be thought or thunked by multitudes of other thinkers.

If you have thoughts, write them down. One day those mind sketches might be given an opportunity to move from paper space to reality.

Today I spent $16.00, outside of my daily food budget. I bought a tuxedo shirt, tuxedo shoes, and two ties from a thrift store. I now have a full tuxedo (minus jacket, including vest). Total cost: around $30. It took me a year, but it's all put together now.

I learned today that not all spending is bad. Stupid spending is bad. Smart spending is not all good, but it does curb desires. Remember, you always have the liberty to choose.

Oh. And. Today my mom called.

"Guess what." "what?" "I found the spare change jar you used to fill." "And?" "I've started rolling the coins. So far you've got $60.00."

Sometimes we work for the things we need. Sometimes they just turn themselves in.

Walking

Today was my first day without my bank card.

Today was the first day I did not spend a single cent outside of my alloted college funds (meal plan-$12/day).

Today was the first day I did not ask my friends for money.

Today was a good day :)

I think that sometimes when we free ourselves from what holds us back, we can more easily see what pushes us forward. I mean it like this: everyday I walk to class, probably ten minutes up onto campus then into the right (sometimes wrong) classroom. Every time I make this walk I have between 10-15 interactions (I've been counting!). Today I appreciated my 26 (13/walk) interactions much more than usual.

Without worries of money money money riding heavy on the brim of my brain, pulling down my brow, I was able to sooooaaaaakkkk it all in. I have so much to be happy for. Thank you numbers 1-26; you make my walk worth every step.

Letting Go of the Credit Card

I called my parents for help last night. They have access to my accounts and know just how broke I am.

I asked my dad what I should do, and in the meantime I reminded him that I need to stay focused on what is most important: my schooling (my social life...).

Both my parents agreed on one thing that was best for me.

Today, at noon, I will walk shamefully to the post office, and mail my bank card home. I am officially cutting off my ability to spend money.

I also paved some new ground: friends with cash. I'm going on a date this saturday night. And guess what? She's paying for it! After digging $100+ in on dates, I think it's about time for a role reversal.

The next step: sell everything. That's right, I'm selling almost everything I own (including half of my wardrobe). Check out my "What's For Sale" page. You'll laugh, I guarantee it.

Now that I'm completely cut off, there's no way I can spend. This is going to be rough.

Poor Man In College

What do you do?

I'm in College. I've flown the coop. And now, I've blown my savings and checking account on who knows what. Well, that's where I am.

For the first four months of college I was sailing high. I'm a lucky guy. My parents have paid my way-knowledge, food, and shelter-all included. Some people might say that I'm spoiled. Maybe they're right?

I started the school year with around $2,000 dollars in my savings and checking accounts, plenty to get me through (AT LEAST) the entire year.

Half way through Fall semester I saw both my accounts hit $500. I needed a job. A quick search through the University Job Search site and I had found just the thing: $8.75 an hour. Doing the math.....20 hours a week....multiplied by 8.75 per hour....that's what..?..$175 a week.

So for the last half of Fall 2009 I spent my mornings from 4 - 8 am scrubbing toilets, vacuuming hallways, and dusting door frames in the student athletic building.

I had once told my father that nothing in the world would ever make me clean toilets for a living. Now, though I wasn't exactly in survival mode, I learned an important lesson about making money: do anything to make it happen.

My dad also told me that no job is more important than any other. He always shows respect for everyone, no matter the situation.

"Always show them respect Sean. Every job is important; it all has to be done."

After my 4 - 8 shift I'd slump over in bed and sleep through my first class, then quickly hurry to the shower and rush to Sociology. Usually by 1 pm I could accumulate enough non-consecutive sleep hours to get me through the day.

By the end of the semester I was completely burnt out. My GPA dropped from a potential 4.0 to a 3.6 and I didn't even care. All I wanted to do was sleep.

What was the worst part of all? I was still somehow LOSING money. My bank account was waning.

Christmas break was sweet relief.

Then school started again.

Then $400 dollars later, I was broke.

And that's when I realized: "hey, I have a mild spending problem."

I spent myself into a giant hole. I now have $20 to my name.

I'm starting from the ground up here at college, and it's rough. I'm glad that I'm doing it now though, still under my parents wing.

It's time to turn this thing around. I'm walking out of the dark. Walk with me.