Litterae: IV

I had the chance to talk to a good friend.

This person is dear to me, but I will be saying goodbye to her in a few short months for almost 3 years. It is likely in that time that I will see her once, twice, maybe three times. And we both know it.

We talked for a while about moving. About change. Few words were really exchanged I'm sure, but the words we spoke will stay in my heart for a lifetime.

"I've had to leave so many people behind."

If you know me, you know I'm a jumper. Every three to five years, I am accustomed to at least three to five hours of distance from my last 'home.'

Home is where the heart is. You know where your heart should be.

I sometimes sit and think what it would be like if I had, like so many, lived in one place my whole life. I would possibly have more stories to sit and laugh about. Maybe I'd cry when I leave to go back across the country to school.

Moving has made me who I am. I would be less _________ if i had been more stationary.

But, I have noticed that my life goes by faster. My heart aches now, knowing that only yesterday I was falling in love with the ocean, and last night, catching fireflies till I fell softly asleep--dad tucking me in tightly like he always does--me waking up in a tangled mess of sheets like i still do. I had a beautiful childhood. More warm, colorful, and carefree than most I'm sure. My heart aches now for each and every one of those memories. I pain for remembrance. My eyes spill over as my vision blurs with the days of my past.

The days when there were no formalities. We were all friends and not one of us was too cool to play with. And I ran through screen doors--I rode fast down the street just to feel free in the warm virginia air--I loved unconditionally--I didn't know any bad words--I had my head passed back and forth as I fell asleep on my brother*sister*brother*sister*broth*sister...*...sister for hours on long car rides to places i cannot recall.

Wild and free. free to learn. learning to choose. choosing to lay. laying for hours outside because it's warm and it's summer and we don't care.

"I can't wait to have kids with long blond hair"

All the moving makes me ache--but i can't live without it.

So if I've moved on from you, or you, or you, or you-I'm nowhere but here. Talk to me and I will listen. We're all moving. Just as I have come and gone, so will you.

More people have heard my voice, as more must hear yours. I have talked to you, you have made me smile, we have said goodbye. Now that we've given ourselves to each other, it's time to give more to someone else. And when we're giving more, we're taking pieces of each other and sharing those pieces with that someone else.

So when you're talking to him, you're talking to me, and when she's talking to me, I'm talking to you. We're always left with each other.

And when we meet again, I hope you've given all my pieces away.

And then we can break off new pieces, and start all again.